Empathy begins at home

Another original post on Facebook, September 5th:
 
Teacher's Day has got me reminiscing...

My mother passed away 5 years ago this month. While she formally trained as a teacher (for kindergarten and then middle school Maths and Science) and worked for some time, she did not enjoy the test-driven, regimented curriculum of most traditional schools. For her, sharing the joy of learning was most important. She enjoyed babysitting and tutoring and, with patience, was able to help 'difficult' children improve their performance and enjoy learning. When I was unable to grasp some concepts, she would ask questions and lead me to clarity even though she was not familiar with the subject/topic herself.

And she taught me empathy. I don't remember specific incidents from my childhood, but I can clearly recall one from about 7 years ago. By then, she was already ill and increasingly turning inward. I was telling her about the deepening communal and religious divides in India and how the 'other' is being dehumanized. Generally, when I have talked to my relatives about such issues, they either say 'oh, how great that you work on this' (again making me the 'other') or ask me why I'm wasting my time and not working in IT.

My mother, instead, related to me her conversation with a maid who worked for us in the 80s: When this young woman came to meet my mother the first time, she set her terms and then said 'I should let you know, I am a Muslim. Please decide if you want me to work for you'. My mother said that it was fine and Saira went on to work for us for many years. Recounting this incident, my mother said, "I felt so very bad - why was it even necessary for her to have to say this, to anticipate rejection?"

My mother wasn't a scholar or a radical. She wasn't as brave as her dreams and aspirations needed her to be, and so was dissatisfied with her life. But she gave the best of herself to guide others, as any good teacher does. And today, in the midst of so much indifference to human suffering, I wish more people could have her basic decency...

On rational thought in India...

I have been writing more than usual in the past few months - problem is, it's mostly on Facebook! In the interests of better archiving, I'm posting a couple of original writings from there. The following was posted on August 31st, soon after I heard of the shooting of Prof. M. M. Kalburgi, a rationalist and scholar:

My mother's brother is visiting today - my astrologer cum Vaasthu-consultant uncle who has magical abilities. He can influence people to tear down newly built houses/offices because the way they were built has caused marital strife, business losses, deaths... He advises people to perform all kinds of rituals to ward off their impending 'bad times'. He even re-writes history - yesterday he told me that my late mother became a veena virtuoso in a few months (and after that, never touched a veena again because she didn't have one after marriage - WTF?). And he claims that he never told me the world was ending in 1999 - the gravitas with which he laid out the destruction from tidal waves, earthquakes etc. had scared the sh** out of the childhood me for years. Now he says that half of India's population will die in 2037 and a messiah will come forth to lead them to a better future...

Oh wait, he does admit his mistakes occasionally. We had had a raging fight 12 years ago because I said that chillies came to India in the 15th century and he claimed that they were mentioned in the Vedas. A few months ago, he came back and told me I was right - wow!

I do care for my uncle, but I think it outrageous that he earns lakhs of rupees for a few days' work, is revered by many and considered a great man. And what happens to people who point out the flaws in such beliefs, who try to get our blind-ritual following, mob-mentality type people to think on their own for a change? Bang Bang! The truth hurts, so let's destroy the truth tellers..